My Top 40 Albums - #10

#10
Five Iron Frenzy - "The End Is Near/Here"

Year: 2003
Label: Five Minute Walk
Favorite songs: Wizard Needs Food, Badly; On Distant Shores; Cannonball; See The Flames Begin to Crawl; At Least I'm Not Like All Those Other Old Guys
Lyric sample: "The crowds recoil, demand our survival / Fists in the air, mouths caked with saliva / But you are the ones, the spark that was spawned / Who picks up the pieces and passes it on"

I'll go ahead and say it right out - this is an emotional record for me. I purchased it at Liberty University following a Five Iron concert that I had just attended as part of the Winners Never Quit Tour, also featuring Bleach and Holland. This final tour for the world's most famous underground ska band, and so while it was exciting to be there and hear them before they disbanded, it also provided a certain air of somber realization. The songs took on a weight in light of future events, because we knew this was the last time we would hear them in this way and see the band in this formation. We treasured the moment and danced and sang and screamed for all we were worth. It was a night to remember. Then I bought the album, having never heard any of its songs except for the few they had played that night. On the back was a field marked "The last time I saw Five Iron Frenzy was..." and the merch people stamped it with the date and place. So I held my record and said my goodbyes.

Five Iron Frenzy, more than most bands, were aware ahead of time of their intended demise. So, rather than piddle out and have people wonder endlessly about their fate (*coughDCTALKcough*), the group composed not one but two records to end their career in a blazing fireball. The first was the controversially titled Cheeses of Nazareth shorted to simply Cheeses... for the bookshelves, a joke record made solely for hardcore fans giving them rampant silliness as only FIF can. It also featured several old demos, a B-side from Boogaloo and an entirely different song to the tune of "Ugly Day." It wasn't a good album by any stretch, but it was for us and we loved it. The second was their final full-length studio release, The End is Near, which IS a good album - even a great one.

At this point in their career, the band had all but perfected their hard rock with horns sound. I keep saying rock because this is not a ska album in any discernible sense. It is rock with horns. Five Iron's ska era ended with the uncertain footing of All The Hype Money Can Buy, giving rise to the unbelievably solid Five Iron Frenzy 2: Electric Boogaloo. That record featured a much more mature sound and more serious lyrics, as well as Reese's best vocals to date. The End is Near continues that trend, creating a seemingly effortless string of catchy and hard-hitting rock songs. The only hints of ska guitar are found on "See the Flames Begin to Crawl" and "Wizard Needs Food, Badly;" the only punk rhythms are found on "That's How the Story Ends" which is more reminiscent in the chorus of their older songs like "Milestone." Fittingly, much of the record deals with different aspects of the group's dissolution. You can almost separate the tracks into those that are stand-a-lone songs and those that compose the connected arc leading us to the conclusion. The message of album rests on the songs "So Far, So Bad," "It Was Beautiful," "See The Flames Begin to Crawl," "That's How the Story Ends," and "On Distant Shores."

The one caveat is that the group can't totally resist the temptation to be a little melodramatic and at times whiny. "Anchors Away" is a little funny in perhaps unintended ways as it takes its message about media and consumerism a bit too seriously. Fortunately, the rest of the record keeps the sense of humor that the band is known for. "So Far, So Bad" might seem a little bratty, but you can't deny its truth. "Don't worry what this song would say / You'll never hear it anyway // They won't play this song on the radio / So far, so bad, that's how it goes." "Wizard Needs Food, Badly" is probably one of Reese's most classic lyrics. The "it's funny because it's true" factor is ratcheted up high, and it ought to become an anthem for men everywhere, as well as helping the women in their lives to understand them a little better. The crux of the song is a plea to the women we admire so very much that, yes, we love you, but... *little kid eyes* can't you see that the wizard needs food? I'm certain John Eldredge would approve.

Then there's "At Least I'm Not Like All Those Other Old Guys," which is in a class by itself. It's unlike anything else I've ever heard. With a chord progression so odd it's incredible that it works so well, the song is Reese's protest against being old (he was 29 at the time). It's short and sweet, and the crisscrossing harmony in the chorus is fantastic. I'm still trying to figure it out. We all like sandwiches, right???

"American Kryptonite" might be the most extreme song FIF has ever released. Five Iron are no strangers to theatrical faux-metal, and here the object of their overenthusiastic derision is western consumerism. Reese sounds like his vocal chords are literally being filed down to nothing as he repeatedly screams during the bridge. "Farewell to Arms" is a call to peace, but it also calls out those who let their hate lead and rage against the church, decrying it while nursing their own belligerence.

When they aren't commenting on society, they take to burning bridges. "See the Flames Being to Crawl" is literally about destroying their musical equipment as they go up in metaphorical flames. Never devoid of the hope that they have always been about, the song notes that the flame passes to the rest of us to carry on now that their ministry as FIF has run its course. However, there is not much consolation in the bittersweet "That's How the Story Ends." Darkly amusing, this is the season finale in which the group ties up all the loose ends they've amassed in their joke songs over the years. I won't spoil it, but allow me to say that some of the songs referenced are "Where is Micah," "Blue Comb '78," "Kitty Doggy," "Kingdom of the Dinosaurs," "Combat Chuck," "The Untimely Death of Brad," and perhaps most astonishingly, the answer to the mystery of "These Are Not My Pants." One can debate whether it was wise to provide an ending to all of this and shut fans up, but it is kind of nice to have a reference, and apparently this is what they wanted to do. Hearing the song is something akin to seeing a loved one in a coffin - it beings to sink in that they are really not coming back. Fortunately it isn't that serious and so there are plenty of crooked smiles to be had along the way.

Whatever your thoughts or feelings on the rest of it, there can be little doubt that The End is Near concludes on the right note. In fact, I can hardly imagine a better way to end the record than the stirring "On Distant Shores." Like "Every New Day" before it, words fail me to truly capture the essence of this song or the emotions that it invokes. Many bands go their entire careers and never write anything half this good. Five Iron Frenzy was able to make magic multiple times, here crafting a song that, really, is every bit as good as "Every New Day." An epic closer of the highest calibre, "On Distant Shores" begins almost lightly with a picking guitar and horn accents, and an extremely melodic, hopeful chorus. The chord choices throughout the song are perfect - if a supercomputer were equipped with extensive knowledge of music theory it seems impossible that it could have come up with anything more starkly fitting or compelling. The song then evolves from its two-verse, two-chorus structure, quieting and darkening as the bridge approaches and the vocals begin soft. Soon, though, they will build in strength and intensity, somewhat like in "Every New Day" but at much more even pace, allowing ample time to set the mood and slowly stir it. When the height of musical intensity and the emotional delivery from Roper nears its peak, the tension is sustained until finally it's time to explode. With the words "I finally believed / That you still loved me" he reaches into his highest registers and his voice breaks in a heartfelt scream, and the song collapses into a rousing reprise of "Every New Day," the familiar climactic ending. As I said, I can't imagine how the band could have gone out any better than this. It's a breathtaking, exhausting, satisfying conclusion to a wonderful record and a radically distinctive career.  R.I.P. Five Iron. You live forever in my heart and in my MP3 player.

The End is Here is a two-disc collection that was released later. The second disc contains live recordings from the final tour, and I would have bought this one if it had existed at the time. It's more supplemental material for anyone who can't get enough of the band. For those who actually attended the concert, it's a great way to relive the nostalgia.

Jump on this video I found for "Wizard Needs Food, Badly," apparently made by the same animators who do E-surance. It has nothing to do with the song but it's a lot of fun and the style pretty much lines up with FIF's weird artwork over the years. If you haven't heard the song, listen to it now!